just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
