Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
be right there i have to get my cape
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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