Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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