did you get engaged???
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
