Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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