Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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