Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
