I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Who died my cat blue again?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
