Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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