Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
