The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
