You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
