Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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