I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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