Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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