You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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