i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
