We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
