i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize