So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
