he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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