What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
