i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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