fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need to get me chipped asap
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
