I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
