Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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