We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
