Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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