The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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