How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
