Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I will be naked everywhere
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
