Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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