she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
