i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never let your siblings swipe right.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
