I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
