i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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