She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
