I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
