so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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