on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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