Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
