The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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