so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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