she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
