I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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