So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
