And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
