Don't you send me to vm
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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