I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
