am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
