I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
