Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
