He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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