He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I understand Curling. That high.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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