It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
