singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
