I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
