its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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