Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
