can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
