I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
