I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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