i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize