He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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