It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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