Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize