State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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