My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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