just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
