oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
