My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
