dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
