She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Randomize
