I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
