I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she peed on how many people?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
