1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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