Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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