I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
