4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
