You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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