All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
is wine microwaveable?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You are the jesus of drinking
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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