Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
