She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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