if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
