we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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