Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I currently don't understand fingers.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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