you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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