all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
