Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
