is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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