Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
