Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
