so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize