she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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