I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
