That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
