i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
