we're chasing vodka with high fives
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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