I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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