im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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