i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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