OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
