He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
