Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
