when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
