I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
