How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
