I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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